A sweet joke

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 

 

After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. 

 

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you £800 to drop that towel that you have on”

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, “Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?”

Moral of the Story : Decision making without critical information is fatal !

        

The Manager and the Engineer

Realizing he was lost, a balloonist dropped down to ask directions. “Excuse me, but I’m a little off course” he shouted.
“I promised to meet a friend an hour ago, I don’t know where I am.”

A woman hollered back: “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re at exactly 40 degrees, 22 minutes, and 21 seconds North latitude and 70 degrees, 30 minutes, and 33 seconds West longitude.”

“Amazing,” the balloonist replied. “You must be an engineer!”

“I am,” she replied, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I can’t use your information. I’m still lost and you haven’t been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman thought for a moment, then replied: “You must be in management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going.

You’ve risen to your position due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.”

“In fact,” she said, “you’re in exactly the same position you were before we met, but somehow it’s now my fault.”

Moral of the Story : Set and track yourself in life.Don't follow the bullshit quotes that life is a boat,sail in it or life is a game,play it.

 

That satire reply

An emperor and a zen monk came face to face for the first time.

The emperor ruled over a kingdom that practiced Buddhism and the monk was eager to meet with him, looking forward to sharing tales of enlightenment.


But when they met, the emperor decided to test the monk by saying to him:

“When you look at me, what do you see?”

“I see a Buddha,” answered the monk.

And what do you see when you look at me?”

“I see a pig!” countered the emperor.

Waiting to see the monk’s reaction, he said no more.

 The monk pondered for a moment, then said:

“A Buddha sees a Buddha; a pig sees a pig!”

Moral of the Story :  Self-respect and counter-argument are two different things.As said by Mahatma Gandhi : They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them.   
            
             

               

Trust and Attitude

There’s the story about a top salesman in the aircraft industry who messed up.
He lost a $5,000,000 contract.

At his desk the next morning he starts going through his papers – tidying them up, clearing his desk.

 He gets a phone call from his manager,
“Have you got 5 minutes? ”

“Sure” he mumbles and slowly makes his way up the stairs to his boss’ office.


As he enters the room he says “Look I know I got it wrong – I’m sorry – I’ve written my letter of resignation – here it is ” and puts it on the desk.


His manager looks at the letter, rips it in half, rips it in half again and puts it in the bin.


“You must be joking” she says smiling

” We’ve just spent $5,000,000 on your training – there’s no way you’re leaving until you’ve made that back for us.”

Moral of the Story :  try to be this MANAGER in your life !

The Boss

3 Dogs

A man wanted to buy his son a dog as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical dogs in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the dog on the right?



The owner said it was Rs. 2500.

"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?

"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000 . He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters ", responds the clerk.



The man then asked what the second parrot cost.

The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,but is an expert computer programmer.



Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."

Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.

The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.

But the other two call him " BOSS"!!

Moral of the Story : To be on the TOP and do nothing,you have to be the BOSS

      

The jar and Priorities

A Beautiful Story I came across on Time Management and Setting Priorities.

A professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him.

When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed.

He asked his students again if the jar was full? They agreed that yes,it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life.

The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children -anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed.

The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, house, or car.

The sand is everything else, the "small stuff."

"If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks "


The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important.

Moral of the story : Pay attention to the things that are Important in your life and spend time on the Important.Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter.

Gillette goes clean

This year Gillette debuted a 30-second television spot that will go down in the annals of razor blade marketing.

Actor Brandon Quinn begins by telling the audience that Gillette sent him around the world to see how long he could shave with a single ProGlide cartridge. After gallivanting through what looks like the African Savanna, Paris, and some Asian rainforests, he tells viewers what Gillette never had: That the company's blades last up to five weeks.

Gillette has always been famously tight-lipped when it came to blade life. Ask them anything else about shaving, and you got a thorough response.

Did you know the average male takes 150 strokes per shave?

Or that men's faces include 10,000-15,000 hair follicles?

Or that 10% of male shavers replace their blades according to the calendar, while the rest of us go by feel?


Gillette never advertised blade life because it never had to.

The brand, owned by Procter & Gamble (PG), grew into the leading men's shaving line not because its blades lasted forever but because they were better, period.

They were better because Gillette spent more than anyone else to make them that way -- it didn't hesitate to cough up $1 billion developing the Mach 3.

And Gillette never mentioned blade life because it was better if the consumer didn't know.

By not knowing exactly how long (or short) a blades' lifespan, the customer might replace it more often than necessary.

Moral of the story : 

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt

-Abraham Lincoln

                        

                                     

                      

                       

 

                      

Purpose of life

A management consultant, on holiday in a African fishing village, watched a little fishing boat dock at the quayside. Noting the quality of the fish, the consultant asked the fisherman how long it had taken to catch them.

"Not very long." answered the fisherman.

"Then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the consultant.

The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The consultant asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have an afternoon's rest under a coconut tree. In the evenings, I go into the community hall to see my friends, have a few beers, play the drums, and sing a few songs..... I have a full and happy life." replied the fisherman.


The consultant ventured, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you...... You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to a city here or maybe even in the United Kingdom, from where you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.

"Oh, ten, maybe twenty years." replied the consultant.

"And after that?" asked the fisherman.

"After that? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the consultant, laughing, "When your business gets really big, you can start selling shares in your company and make millions!"


"Millions? Really? And after that?" pressed the fisherman.


"After that you'll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea, sleep
in late every day, spend time with your family, go fishing, take afternoon naps under a coconut tree, and spend relaxing evenings havings drinks with friends."

Moral of the story : Have a well-defined purpose of life.Give time to your family and friends and then only you'll be able to value the money earned

 

Excellence

A German once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor making an idol of God. 

Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby. Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?" 

"No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage." 

The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is the damage?" he asked.

 "There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work. 

"Where are you going to install the idol?"

The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high.

 "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked.

 The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I will know it."

Moral of the Story : The desire to excel is exclusive of the fact whether someone else appreciates it or not. "Excellence" is a drive from inside, not outside. Excellence is not for someone else to notice but for our own satisfaction and efficiency.

 

Maths applied

One more simple yet practical show of Maths as in the chapter of TIME and WORK.

While solving the below example , i realized how important it is to have a work-ex to understand and apply things.

Problem : A can complete a project in 20 days and B can complete the same in 30 days.If A and B start working on the project together and A quits before 10 days when the project is completed,in what no of days will the project be completed ?

Yea you can solve it later on after this post ;)

While solving this i remembered a situation at Sibridge Technologies.While developing an I2C VIP,we first prepare a MPP(Microsoft project plan) file which has a whole lot of info about your work for entire project life.Now after 5 months of developing,one of the core member of my I2C VIP group left the job.

At that time I realized that this is the SAME TIME and WORK but in EXTRPOLATED form.

Moral of the story : Its all very very important even in school.Its expolated application will make you excel amongst others :)

Copying,sharing and the dilemma

Recently i posted a status on facebook (5th june 2012) which goes as " A pizza of radius "z" and thickness "a" has a volume pi*z*z*a  #Funmath ".

One of my friends added a comment "nakum sir na profie maa thi copy karyu 6ene..... (i.e. You have copied from nakum sir's profile right ?)" to which I responded "Wait lemme see his profile !"

I usually don't add any of my teachers to my profile because i find it quite awkward when their home page has pictures with my inappropriate tags.

When i visited his profile,it was actually there but in a pictorial form.When detailed,i saw it was shared from a page called "Don't Play With Engineers . . . ././././"(Yes,all new words with first letter capital and 4 dots and 4 ./ combinations). So i visited that page which was a under the BOOK category.The page had all soughts of funny jokes and stress-busters at its best.

There is a android app called friendstream which syncs many pages and many accounts all at one place and i usually find good shares over there.

When i saw the word COPIED,i was brooding over the difference between copying and sharing and while discussing this with my roommate it turned into a duel related to patents.

For example : If i update something which is a sort of invention or a patent item and if i post it on social networking sites,it is obvious to get shared.Some people may also call it COPY for lack of a better word i guess.Now suppose if a viral marketing guy , markets it with just a wee-bit of modifications,would that violate the patents ?

Many people would think that mitesh has gone mad but guys if you relate this thing outside facebook,on technical terms,it may cause a huge loss to the original person giving the birth-idea.It can also be discussed in terms of linux and windows but that would be a headache to do here.

In today's world,any idea has its root in some research or the other in past.If this is how it would have been accepted then there would be no inventions and betterment in technology.Only drugs and chemicals produce new and completely original compounds these days.

Moral of the talk : The Pdf file defining Patents ACT also has some of the unknown patents violated !